The hardest thing to do is admit you did something wrong. Well if you did, then fess up. Why spend another minute dealing with guilt. I hate guilt. It is probably the biggest killer of spirit. If you walk around feeling guilty about something and don't speak up, your stomach hurts, you have headaches and other aggravating symptoms of discomfort.
I screwed up midway thru being a mother. When my children were born, I loved them very much. I was a good mother. Over the course of time, I became more concerned with their dad, than with them. I was such an enabler. I was so overwhelmingly in love and so barefoot stupid, along with the dysfunctional upbringing, I just dropped the ball. I gave up trying to change him and I joined him. I let my children down, I impacted their lives forever and I let myself down.
The changes I allowed them to experience determined the choices they would later make. I would later have to stand by and watch those choices that I taught them how to make. Talk about what comes around and goes around. That is a painful reality. Seeing your children struggle and knowing that it was part of your responsibility to teach them better and you didn't do it. It haunted me for so long. It made me blatantly aware of my many failures in life. Am I to be guilt ridden for the rest of my life?
Where does the healing begin? Does it begin? Yes, it had to for me. I would not accept anything less. I wasn't willing to live with the bad. I was determined that I would stand up and be the mother, my now grown children, should have had all along.
As in any healing process, the first step is admitting the failings to yourself and then to you children. The second step is getting a grip on that. After admitting, my hardest thing was finding the next step. My answer to that was prayer and God. Though I am not an extremely religious person, I am a great believer in God and the power that comes with that belief. I believe prayer is the most important tool we have in life. I have utilized it many, many times in the last 10 years.
You have to start in order to progress. If you start, you have to be strong enough to withstand the firestorm of anger that comes from your children. They have to accept your failures and forgive. They have to be willing to work through the pain with you. They have to accept that they are adults now and need to be proactive to solve baggage issues with you.
Love conquers many things with God's help. God conquers all the rest if you ask. I asked. Now 10 years down the road, things are much better. I am still working on things, but my relationship with my children is solid.
Have you questioned yourself as a parent. Work it out. It is important for you and your kids. If you failed, you can fix it. Let's talk.
Great concept for a blog. I think we all make mistakes as parents, big ones and small ones. You are right, every parent should talk with their children and apologize for mistakes and try to make things right.
ReplyDeleteWe have been fortunate to have a good relationship with our son. Mistakes were made of course, but we apologized not long afterward and changes were put in place to make things better.
My son says he is happy and had a good childhood. He is now 18 but still in high school and living with us. I hope to always have a good relationship with him.
I hope you and your children work things out.