To do that, we have to look long and hard in the mirror.There is a poem called, "The Man In The Glass". The author is anonymous. I am reprinting it here because for 8 years, I have used this poem to put my life in the proper perspective.
The Man In The Glass
Anonymous
When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in you life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you’re a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.
He’s the fellow to please-never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear to the end.
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in you life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you’re a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.
He’s the fellow to please-never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear to the end.
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.
This poem changed my life. It gave me the courage to look at me and see what wasn't working. It said to me that no matter where I came from, I had to choose responsibility and acceptance. Responsibility for what I had done and acceptance that I could not change one single thing that had happened before TODAY. If I had said it or done it, it was done.
Where to go from there? Only up! Up to being a woman and being sure that I could make it. I saw that I was much like the family that I had ignored for so long. Not perfect humans but real folks. People that had been tough and stood their ground, raised their families and survived more than I ever had. People with guts to look at their faults and to work on a continuing basis to be better. Never giving up was the key. No matter how hard repairing the relationship with my grown kids would be, I knew I was going to get it done. I refused to do less.
It was so worth it. Every time I heard a snide comment or was told I had given up my right to offer advice, I was more determined than ever. I would grit my teeth and say a prayer. One of many prayers throughout the last 8 years. Prayers to God that continually gave me the strength and hope to continue and to know that it was working like I was anticipating it would.
It was not easy. It was painful. It was frustrating. It was everything that my children had lived through when I chose not to be there for them. It was a great lesson in reality and in being a parent. I have never regretted living through the experience. What don't kill you makes you stronger is absolutely the right saying for the experience. Thank you God for bringing me through. It brought me back to my children as their mother whom they are gaining respect for everyday.
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